Chapter 3, Exercise 1 continued.

I only had one comment from people dropping by.  Thank you for the feedback +Arthur.  I added the punctuation and wouldn’t mind your feedback on it’s current placing.  I also took into consideration the feedback from Janet.  She suggested that the last two stanzas are a separate theme on a similar subject; so I excised them from the poem.  I then read the poem to my wife, who feels there is more to say, and that the poem dwells too much on some aspects and not enough on others.  I had originally removed the hanging similar items lines and then put them down at the bottom so as to flesh out the poem.  Unfortunately the poem feels incomplete to me now.  I will look at this poem again after a day or two and hopefully more feedback.

Thanks to everyone who have helped so far, and I look forward to your ideas and opinions.

BTW – when I do these discussion posts I like to have a photo and a link to another poem or site.  For inspiration here is a photo of some laundry.  And the link… well do I have to explain this?

Some laundry.  Sourced from Mumzine.com
Wet Clothes
I enjoy the rhythm of hanging wet clothes on the line.
The order, the sequence of the process –
gathering wet clothes from the washing machine,
the weighty plastic basket carried like
a sacrifice to the sun, lifting
wet clothes up from the basket
to hang on the line. Snatching
from the potpourri
of clothes; a random choice of colour and texture.
The rhythm of clothes, pegs, hanging
                clothes
                                pegs
                                                hanging.
Occasionally broken to pull a sleeve,
straighten a collar.
I feel like a priest washing his hands,
then raising them to a god in servitude.
I am reassured in this ritual by the sounds of
rituals that echo around me.
Lawn mowers are crickets that change location
like the wind.  Buses growl to uncertain destinations.
As a baby cockatoo irritates the world with constant need.
I enjoy finding a spot on the line for similar items.
I even named those sections, like suburbs –
Sock City, Undie Alley, T-Shirt Terrace.
Tea towels hang limp like flags on a calm day
tired after a long spin.

Simon Lenthen 15 July 2013
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