Discussion : Porsche and Gretel

I am writing a verse play for children based on Hansel and Gretel.  A bit ambitious, but the flow went that way.  I was especially proud of the two monologues I had written so far.  One for Gretel about how she misses her natural mother and hates her step-mother.  The other for the step-mother, who I’ve called Porsche, about how she hates children. Both monologues are “sister poems” in that elements of one are reflected in the other.  Both are similar in that the last line of each stanza rhyme (within the poem), and some images and phrases are repeated.  Whilst they are both age specific, Gretel is supposed to sound like a preteen so her imagery is not very sophisticated, whilst Porsche’s language is more mature. Porsche’s monologue break’s the fourth wall and she talks directly to the audience, whilst Gretel addresses her dialogue to her mother.

Both monologues are a bit dark and I wonder if they are too dark for a primary school audience (ages 5 – 10).  Also is it reasonable to expect a young audience to be engrossed by monologues?  Especially when TV shows go for short scenes and cut-away jokes.

Unfortunately I missed the deadline for the first draft, but that’s ok, the Mother Goose play is going ahead, and that will break the ground at the venue (so to speak) so that the next time we can put on a second show in tandem with Mother Goose.  I am not in love with Gretel’s monologue anymore, I thought it was great, but now that I read it, it’s not as “poetic” as the Porsche’s rant.

Here are the links to the individual poems

Porsche’s Rant

Gretel’s Lament


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